accrobeau: The Big Bagel Challenge

So with just 24 hours left until the world ended (information which would later turn out to be false) I had a good long think about how I wanted to spend it, what did I want to do? what mental state did I want to be in?,was there any un-answered questions I couldn't bare to die not knowing?

And then it struck me. How could I die not 100% knowing if the white or yellow beigel shop on Brick Lane was better. It was time for The Big Bagel Challenge. Armed with volunteers, plenty of booze, and some bagel money, I set about getting drunk and testing bagels. The results would be more conclusive than any of us could ever imagine.

Our first decision was to work out which bagels to test, we had to get bagels available in both shops, so due to the limited choices in the White bagel shop (minus 1 point) we went with Salt Beef, Salmon Cream Cheese, Chopped Herring, Salami and Tuna.

Price - an important factor...

Yellow - £8.65

White - £7.30

White wins on the price battle, but the lady serving us in the Yellow one was more fun. Also all the bagels in the White one were pre-made and all the Yellow ones were fresh.

SALT BEEF

Russ -

Yellow – Packed with beef, it was falling all over the place which is what you want really. Gherkins too, which was a bonus, and the mustard was actually hot.

White - There was no mustard on my half of the bagel, which isn't really on. The beef was all fat, which I guess was just unlucky, but it was like eating a scab off a fat mans back.

Bon

Yellow – beigel was amazing, insane, so tasty.

White – disgusting, didn't finish.

SALMON CREAM CHEESE

Russ –

Yellow – This is my favourite type of bagel, so an important round for me. Lemon and pepper makes all the difference on this. fresh salmon, possibly caught in the last 24 hours like on that advert.

White – So dry, like swallowing a towel that has been in an airing cupboard for a week.

Bon

Yellow – great i loved it. i'd eat it again. into the lemon and pepper.

White – after one tiny bite - i dont like it, i'm not going to eat it.

Dilly

Yellow – better than that last thing that i put in my mouth (Dilly didn't eat these in this order so is refering to another bagel, she hadn't just had something random bad in her mouth before we started.)

White – too much cream cheese, tastes like silly putty.

Ben

Yellow – actually really good. you can taste the difference between the fillings so it's not just a blob of food. pepper on the cream cheese made it at least 69 times better than the white one.

White – the cream cheese had gone a bit crusty by the time i ate this. probably the best from the white shop, but that could be because of the bow i have drunk in between.

TUNA

Russ -

Yellow – its ok. not bothered by it. lemon and pepper save the day.

White – bit old again.

Bon

Yellow – its so good. seriously dilly try it. moist tuna.

White – its alright. better than others.

Dilly

Yellow – i'm too full.

White – no seriously i'm too full.

Ben

Yellow – way drier than i would have liked but at least it tasted like what it's supposed to be. 69 times better than the white one.

White – tasted like nothing and was pretty much the driest thing i've ever eaten. why do people go here?

CHOPPED HERRING

Russ -

Yellow – i'm not sure if i like these, kind of weird and sloppy. saved by good bread.

White – so bitter, loads of bones too like a fish graveyard.

Bon (about both)

Yellow – it looks like dodgy cum. i'm not going to eat it.

White -

Dilly (about both)

Yellow – if that was cum it would hurt so much. its like paste. you'd have to have some sort of serious aids.

White –

Ben

Yellow – this one doesn't taste like food poisoning so it's 69 times better than the white. it tasted like southsea seafront (tampons and shit swimming in the sea)

White – fish is vile. i ate it but it was actually disgusting.

SALAMI

Russ -

Yellow – three slices of really good salami, so good.

White – really weird. not sure about any meat content. weirder still there is no fat like salami should have. sort of like the eating haloumi but spicy, which i'm sure shouldn't be what Salami is like?

Bon

Yellow – i refuse.

White -

Dilly

Yellow – no way.

White -

Ben

Yellow – a little fatty, but it's salami so that's to be expected. 69 times better than the white shop's.

White – tasted of nothing.